I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just cropdusted the office
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
