the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
