1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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