I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
