you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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