well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
