:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
