Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
