i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
