i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
