I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
