this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
