my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
