Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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