Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
