That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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