HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
