I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
