Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
