so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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