Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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