just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
