Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
