i permit you to call me
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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