every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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