I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
