New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
