So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
