I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
that's an acceptable place to lick
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
