I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
