I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
