I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
where are my eyebrows?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
