Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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