you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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