1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
