fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
you made out with another girl for some wings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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