You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
