OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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