I cockslap morals
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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