I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
