We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize