I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i believe in u and ur pee
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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