How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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