oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
