Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
