I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just pee around me
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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