i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
