If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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