guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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