Betty ford says i'm here all night
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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