Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
sex in a hospital.. check
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
