i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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