He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
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You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
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I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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