You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
