Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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