I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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