I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He did a backflip because drugs
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