i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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