im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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