Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
