what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
