When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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