Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
