I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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