Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
no more duck duck goose at the bar
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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