his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
