i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
