just come out here and I will go home with you...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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