So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
