I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
