I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
