Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
