This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
